psychosis – cozy in my mind

Psychosis is hard to describe and understand for those that haven’t gone through it personally. It is like you cannot distinguish between your thoughts and the real world and also everything seems to revolve around you. It makes it hard to define the border between what is actually there and what is so called hard cold reality also going into the realm of schizophrenia where you are having illusions delusions or even hallucinations. Both labels fit my condition and it is an interesting experience, but the recovery is difficult and lonesome and boring.

Boredom is one of the main enemies of a patient and to counter that structure and contract with others helps a lot to not completely get lost in ones own world. I used to see all of the creation as a painting on a regular wall of a police cell drawn before me as a portrait, I cannot even begin to imagine how that works but it was pretty cool.

I called it the sight myself and gave names and references even made up virtual people to talk to get advice from and be relaxed by. Cozy in my mind it was and I am just interested in the natural process that it would take to get out of such a strong delusion and how that would work, Right now I can’t and I am doing it the straight way, obey the rules and stuff but I always wonder how naturally it would evolve.

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