Self-Definition, Personality, Family-Friends


In the extension of my feelings of frustration and anger towards myself I have traced back how long I have been experiencing frustration and anger towards myself to see where I have created it and how I have created myself.

Since I brought up the point of frustration and anger the experience of myself intensified and I also noticed how I have been trying to form a definition of myself and that the fear of loss is mainly fear of not ‘knowing’ who I am and fear of losing myself in terms of definitions and that the origin of my frustration and anger is my definitions of myself, my personal values, so my personality and the way it is in friction with reality.

From a young age I have been provided for and gotten everything that I would like, I have had opportunities to explore and experiment in many different ways. As a young boy I have played with Lego but also had expeditions and did many forms of playing with many different friends. Also with my family I have done many things together such as vacations, sports and trips.

My personality has been as basis formed within the family where the core beliefs are transferred and I as a kid start playing with everything around me, television and examples of my family are copied and as a child I feel protected and cared for and start exploring and taking in the world around me. As I grow up I have formed aspirations and goals and from my parents I have always gotten everything and that pattern of being indebted to do something or towards someone is something I have copied.

After my family I develop my personality further with my friends, I become part of a network where I form a particular definition. It is much like we are all politicians where we act in the interest of a group that went before us, namely our entire lineage.

The origin of my frustrations is where I bump into the practical reality in opposition to the protected family life where I got everything I wanted, the personal values and aspirations are all a lie and the way the world works doesn’t stroke at all with what is shown on TV. It might seem cliché and obvious, but the truth is that as a child you don’t know better than what your parents tell you and what is on TV. A real connection with the world is only made at the moment that veil of the family is removed and also of friends, now reality dawns and you can flush whatever it is that you want down the drain.

Who I am here without a personality to hide behind, the raw systems as everything that is around me, is what I have become and what is disguised with pictures yet it is what I have to face and what is here so even though it isn’t pretty is the truth of me.

I made a voice recording on this point


One Response to “Self-Definition, Personality, Family-Friends”

  1. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

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