Inferiority

i found that even though i have applied forgiveness on judgin my parents more in te beginning when i joined the forum, i still hold some grudge against my parents. I am now walking the corrective action to not judge my parents and not see my parents as parents but my self accepted and allowed manifestation of parents as what i have stood one and equal to. Interesting to see that very slowly this has come up again so not completely removed from the beginning. i experience pain in my lower back and i can feel a point close to my heal that hurts and i have massaged that. Sitting up and and my body posture is a manifested consequence of my own feelings of inferiority and grudge towards others placing myself because of my own judgement as a subject and victim under that wich i hold up to spite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procastinate identifying my source of manifestations and pain

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and think i am inferior to my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents and direct any form of judgement towards either Leo or Dieneke

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take responsiblity for myself with regards to pain and system manifestations and procrastinate correcting myself.

I move self here

I directe here

I correct here

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i found that inferiority i have lived a while and has made its prints in many aspects of my life. I actively support myself through for example touching myself and find support in identifying points that hurt. this is where what i found supportive and although i am going thoroughly through the structural resonance, i am simply refering to the fact where i in fact support my body and through touching my body and establishing and discovering it through touch i found painful but also supporting. im not using anything with it yet, but it just hurts at specific points litterally places on my body so i massage these points and within touching and discovering these points more points come up and i become aware of my body as pain.
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today lot of sitting again. Where i noticed that even though i am supporting my back some more, i am still turning myself in a bag of sand. to think in a way that i blame the environment or the way i sit as a consequence of something outside of me is ingrained and i am not proceeding this bowing line. I am here, i sit here as the source in and as every moment in and every breath through my own acceptance and allowance.
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hmm the direct feedback i am giving myself through physicality made me realise that i am stressing my body or at least accepting and allowing myself to be exploited by insecurity and anxiety, shame, but underlying is the inferiority wich i am writing on to reveal in what ways i am acting this out again. I have to get to the point where i can unconditionally become stable in and as the physical.
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i found that i have to force myself to not wear myself down, that is to sometimes lay down for a short while or stop and in some occasions i walk back and forth which helps me to link my breathing and beingness to doing physical action and realise that it is only physical action may it be thought or bodymovement and in this not loose myself in the repetition into smaller patterns until a freez up wich manifests as pain in my back or shoulder, i managed to catch this although i enjoy movement and i notice when i am repeating something and not actually moving myself but simply spiraling into whatever. stopping here. I embrace me here as breath.

Walking the corrective action with and towards my parents but it is really as my parents I still find it necessary to walk the corrective action with regards to relations and reactions and definitions that i have accepted within myself to become and acts with my parents.. There is a point where i do not want to build a new relationship with my parents but to simply be with them and clear reactions and what comes up in the moment that i am around my parents. I experience a physical response of sorts as if in the language is something that my body reacts to. I see that certain words or things mentioned i react to, dont remember what it was also because i notice the pain and i stop and cleared that at that moment through stopping.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take a position against or for any idea

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself into a future not applying myself here in and as every moment of every breath in and as the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to determined worth and value of myself as something separate of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself to believe that I need something else first

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking a stand in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through my current definition as the now

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing within myself to hold back and confront what is here

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to stop myself completely in all ways

I forgive myeself for accepting and allowing myself to withdraw and deflect rather then to take in and process and purify

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within myself of being hurt or influenced

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself and stand up within my fear to direct myself and clear myself as fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard myself as the physical but instead believe in the self created replica i created, participated and fed through the mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i walk in and as this world and participate as who i accepted and allowed to become and i am part of this system feeding it within every moment of every breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the idea of myself within the world instead of realizing myself as the walking flesh powering the system programmed and reacting in and as what i have accepted and allowed to exist as in and as the flesh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore physically manifested consequences and to take everything into consideration in and as every breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself to believe there is a place and time to not be part of this world, not realising i am hiding and supressing myself into my selfdefined shell and not directing myself but submitting to my own thoughts

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to stay immediate in and as every breath not realising that my own reluctance to stop my thoughts contribute to the suppression of my self accepted and allowed nature

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone out of fear and reluctance

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to will myself here as breath

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