Relationships

I havent had many relationships and longer then a few months. I realised that i am mostly pushing of intimicy and close contact because of fear of bondage and because i experienced in the passed how simple it was gone again. Then later again with some girl, first all is fine and then like a building build on quicksand simply crumbling. I did enjoy being with someone and doing stuff together, it’s revealing and certain feedback that is specifik and “personal”. Wich is kinda interesting, but i always had a two sided feeling about realitionships, like how or what or who is the one? what is the motivation for getting togething? what is the startingpoint? I experienced and found that the relationships i entered were on a short bases and because they are appointed towards eachother and seperate of myself here, that it chrashed automaticly because the building on quicksand were the sandcastles that i build myself in my head, disregarding myself and subjecting to an idea, wich you can call love. Although i havent used this word also not that i can remember, except my joint and memories wich doesnt matter all toghether as it is all submission to idea’s that are not real wich is the physical.

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